Just for you, good friend.

Just expressing my feelings out through words.
My friends, please read this till the end.
I have important message for you guys.

I really don't believe in forever,
no, not at all.
after incidents happened,
i realised forever don't exist.
maybe for some but not for me.

I have many problems,
i can't tell or share with anyone,
i don't think the word
TRUE FRIENDS
in my wishlist should be striked.

I used to tell him all my problems
how's my day, why am i unhappy
why am i angry, why am i sad.
i'll share everything with him,
and he will comfort me if i'm sad
cool me down when i'm angry
share with me if i'm happy.
he always makes me happy.
Nobody understands me as well as he does.
Nobody knows what i want except him.
but i have to accept the fact that,
HE doesn't exist in this world anymore.
HE is just a memory in my mind.

I thought i have friends in my life,
helping me, be there for me,
comfort me, cool me down,
share with me.
I have many friends
but i don't have a true friend.
who understands me,
who share with me.

Living in this world for about 14 years,
THE WORD FRIENDS
means a lot to me.
I care for them and in return
they care for me.

Yes,
sometimes they care,
but sometimes they don't.
maybe they will think,
friends are not important,
i don't need them.

Friends fight,
argue, hate one another,
jealous, betray, gossip.
But, TRUE FRIENDS
don't do that.
because they understand each other.

I admit,
sometimes i comment about them,
argue with them.
but i don't really mean it,
i really wanna have be a true friend
who understands and will be there.

Bad friends will leave for boys/ girls.
Bad friends will hate you for love.
Bad friends will betray for advantages.
Bad friends will hide secrets from you for not trusting you.

Some of you,
don't trust me,
so do i,
don't trust you.

I may not be important for you.
But sincerely,
all of you are kinda important for me.

I love you,
we share laughter.
I don't like you,
for being selfish,
for betraying me,
for hiding things from me,
for leaving me alone,
for bad mouthing me,
for not understanding me.

Obviously,
Those bad stuff are more than those good stuff.

I know when some of you read this,
you will feel guilty,
hate me,
don't like the way i post.

I did betray my friends,
I did gossip bout them,
I did hate them.
But i still love them.

I'm depressed.
lonely, sad.

Sinyen with Ivan,
Julianne with Ian,
Ratu with Meiyee,
Michelle with Winnieko.

Though she's with Ivan
but sometimes she still ask me to join them.
Though she's with Ian
but she doesnt always go with him in school.
Though she's with Meiyee
but sometimes she still spend some time
teaching me things.
Though she's with Winnieko
but she will be there when i'm alone.

See,
They still love me.
Right? =)

I still have many people if the 'thoughs' is gone.

I really have many problems to share with you,
if you're willing to listen.
I really can comfort you,
if you're willing to share.
I really can be trusted,
if you're willing to trust.
I really can be a good friend,
if you're willing to be mine.

All of you just suddenly appear in my mind,
maybe because i miss you guys too much.

All my friends,
I wanna tell you,
non of you're not important to me.
all of you are the same.
YOU ARE ALL MY GOOD FRIENDS. =)