The Lord is God.

(yes this is an emotional post)

Wherever I go, I will be loyal.

Wherever I go, I will obey.

Sigh, this is the saddest thing I've came upon after such a long time.

I kept myself busy just now to make myself calm and not cry in front of everyone.

The feeling. The feeling. I don't know how to describe them.

It's my first time facing such thing. Let me tell you a lil of it.

(no, this post isn't about anyone, not studies, not my friends, not my family, not guys, no nothing, it's me)

The story is like ... I'll just type an almost same scenario.

You want to get into (let's just say) form 4 so badly, you're looking at your friends,

smiling laughing, discussing about their future, next year, and excited about seeing each other

after a long holiday but you're just unsure/insecure and you don't even know whether you'll

get into form 4 or not. PMR's result is not out yet, but you're worrying coz there

might be possibility you're not gonna get into form 4 classes. You hold your tears

and keep yourself busy by doing housework, just kept on doing and smile like usual

when people greet you. But after a while, you saw your family members,

they're trying to encourage you, giving you support, telling you 'its ok, you're the best.'

but that makes you worse, you feel like crying even more because it reminds you

about next year, the future, whether you are joining all your friends, going form 4 happily

or you'll just sadly ... stay in form 3, with other people, people that you don't know,

people that you ain't familiar with, you're afraid you'll lost contact with you classmates,

you're afraid that you're no longer one of them, you're afraid that, you have to stay alone.

Although the result's not out yet but you're worrying. When they're talking about next year,

you'll have the suspense in your heart, can I even discuss with them, am I going to be one 

of the form 4s next year? I think better not talk about it, else the whole situation will get 

worse and worse. So you just kept quiet, when they all say 'see you next year!'

(or you can change the scenario to after form 5 going to college)

Yes, it is a very miserable thing for me. 

Yes, it's a big thing for me.

Yes, it's my first time facing such problems.

I held the tears, so hard in my eyes that they just flow like waterfall.

You want to stop them but you couldn't. People around you encourage you 

telling you 'its not a big deal, you already did your best' but no, I'm still sad.

I'm so upset about it, I wanna cry my lungs out tonight and feel better tomorrow.

I'm so upset that I wanna work harder and I wanna prove that I'm worth to fight for.

I'm so upset that I kept thinking 'did I do anything wrong?'

I'm so upset that I think it's a bit unfair.

I'm so upset that I feel like giving up.

I don't want to face it. I want to escape. I'm giving up.
Sorry but I can't help it. I just feel like giving up.

I know it's a bump in the road that people might get every now and then,

but I'm not that strong.

Why is it me? I gave everything, I did the best. I'm sure that I did.

Maybe it's fated to. Maybe I really can't change the fact.

I'm so lost right now, I don't know what to do. I so wanna give up.

Let's just hope for the best. 

I worked hard, I did my best.